Texas and Baylor Might Score 100 Points Before Halftime

by Tommy Gimler

There is still 9 minutes left in the 2nd quarter in Austin, TX, and the Baylor Bears and Texas Longhorns have already scored 56 points. And as you might suspect, neither of them have a shot at the National Championship…

Joe Bergeron has three rushing scores for the Longhorns, and Nick Florence has thrown for two touchdowns for the Bears. We’re not 100% certain on this, but it just might be “Bring Your Illegitimate Kids To Work And ┬áLet Them Play Defense Day.” Our intern Rakesh is on it…

Meanwhile in Morgantown, West Virginia, the Mountaineers are taking a fucking beating, and Collin Klein and Kansas State are playing the part of Ike Turner. Klein has a combined seven touchdowns as Kansas State takes a 52-7 lead into the 4th quarter. Remember when Geno Smith was a Heisman hopeful? Yeah, not anymore…

They’re up to 63 points down in Austin with just over six minutes to play in the first half. Suddenly that 80-point over/under looks about as ridiculous as Mickey Rourke’s face…

Down in Oklahoma, the Sooners are really giving it to the Kansas Jayhawks, to the tune of 52-0. God damn. How far has Charlie Weis fallen in the last five years? For starters, he’s fatter than all hell again, like Orson Welles fat. Second, wasn’t this guy supposed to be an offensive genius? I don’t care if he’s going up against that tough Sooners’ D. If he’s as good at calling plays as the media says he is, he should be able to put up at least seven points, even if he has 11 Stephen Hawkings out there…

And speaking of terrible, how is Mark Richt still employed at Georgia? I mean, do the students in Athens just accept mediocrity and false promises as their version of success? How bad was the turd he replaced that he still has a job? I’m sick of hearing year in and year out how Georgia is a national title contender. Bull shit. A national title contender doesn’t go into Kentucky and only lead by five with eleven minutes to go in the fourth quarter…

Well, there’s only one minute left in the first half down in Austin, and the Bears and Longhorns won’t combine for 100 first half points. I guess fans will just have to settle for a meager 73-point half instead. Texas leads Baylor by 11 at the half, and I’m going to go with my gut on this one, and say that there might be one or two more scores in this one…

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