Joe Flacco Shows Us He Still Sucks
by Tommy Gimler
Huge numbers today for some of the elite quarterbacks in the NFL. Brees, Rodgers, and Manning all threw for over 300 yards while leading their teams to impressive victories and fulfilling dorks’ fantasies everywhere. Meanwhile, Joe Flacco, who just thinks he’s elite, sucked. In a big game. Again.
Playing to pretty much establish who’s the team to beat in the AFC, Flacco and the Ravens showed the country that it sure as shit wasn’t them. Down 26 at halftime after taking a sack in his own end zone and throwing a pick six, Flacco had plenty of opportunities to throw the ball in the second half, put up some elite numbers, and make things look respectable. He threw the ball, alright. Rather poorly.
I literally watched a girl eat a Clif Bar behind my tent once and then stick her finger down her throat to puke it up, and it was still sexier than Joe Flacco’s stat line today. Check it out:
21 of 43 for 147 yards, 3.4 yards per attempt, 1 meaningless TD, 2 INT, 45.4 QB rating. His longest completion was 15 yards.
Of course, this isn’t breaking news for anybody who has watched Joe Flacco struggle worse than Ashton Kutcher on the big screen on the road this year. Flacco has played three games away from the City of Syphilis, and he hasn’t had a QB rating over 66.8 in any of them (2 TD, 4 INT, 55.9 rating). In fact, Flacco has had a QB rating under 100 in three of his last four games. And his rating of 84.0 this year is good for 20th in the league, meaning Jake Locker, Christian Ponder, Kevin Kolb, and Carson Palmer all have better ratings than him.
And even though there’s a boatload of evidence to support it, here is what the mainstream media doesn’t have the balls to say:
Joe Flacco is a dog shit quarterback whose ineptitude, much like every quarterback to play for the Chicago Bears, has been masked by an outstanding defense.
But with Ray Lewis and Lardarius Webb lost for the season, you’re going to witness the weakest Ravens defense since the 1990′s, meaning the pressure will be greater than ever for Flacco to put this team on his shoulders and lead them to the promised land. The problem is that since his best statistical career in 2010, Flacco has been getting worse, throwing fewer touchdowns and more interceptions last year and on pace to throw even more picks this year.
The sad thing for Ravens fans is that Joe Flacco is going to be around for a while, probably because he’s better than any quarterback they’ve had in the last fifteen years. I will give him that. Joe Flacco is better than Trent Dilfer, Anthony Wright, Chris Redman, Troy Smith, Stoney Case, Elvis Grbac, Jeff Blake, Scott Mitchell, Kyle Boller, Steve McNair (when he was with the Ravens), and Tony Banks. But that makes him about as elite as Shaquille O’Neal, the actor (go to the 3:45 mark):