Studs and DUDs of the Week

Fernando Rodney

by Tommy Gimler

Evan Longoria is back and so are the Rays, the Angels are getting better on paper but worse on the field, and two parents get out of the way so a home run ball can take out their son…

Stud Team of the Week – Tampa Bay Rays (6-0)

So, let me get this straight. The Philadelphia Phillies are ten games under .500 and in 4th place in the NL East. On Tuesday and Wednesday, they host the Atlanta Braves and pull in a combined 84,161 fans. The Tampa Bay Rays are 62-52 and in 2nd place in the AL East. On Tuesday and Wednesday, they host the Toronto Blue Jays and pull in a combined 27,264 geezers. And that begs the question, “How does an armpit like Tampa still have a baseball team?” I would give my left nard to have a team that good play in Milwaukee.

The Rays have won six in a row and 11 of their last 14 to sit atop the AL Wild Card standings and pull within 5 games of the AL East leading Yankees, yet nobody wants to watch these guys. Is it because they are offensively challenged? The Rays currently rank 20th in OBP, 22nd in runs, 26th in SLG %, and 28th in batting average.

But they win games because Joe Maddon is God, and their pitching staff is again one of the best. Rays’ pitching ranks 2nd in BAA and WHIP, 3rd in ERA, and 5th in saves. Now if they can just get closer Fernando Rodney to realize that this is Major League Baseball and not the California Penal League. They wear hats forward at this level, son:

Runner(s) Up: Washington Nationals (6-1), San Diego Padres (5-1), Baltimore Orioles (5-2), Atlanta Braves (4-2)

DUD Team of the Week – Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (2-4)

I suppose I could have gone with the Chicago Cubs here, but the fact that they won one game last week is one more than I thought they would win all season.

Is there any team better on paper than the Angels? Probably not. But lately, the Angels have had issues turning that talent into wins. Losers of 8 of their last 11 and 10 of their last 15, the Angels need to kick it gear before they become possibly the most talented team to miss the postseason since, well, this year’s Phillies.

Mike Trout has been phenomenal, but he can’t pitch. Apparently, neither can C.J. Wilson. He hasn’t won a game since June 26th, and he has seen his ERA climb from 2.36 to 3.34. Dan Haren has also been drinking the “Failure”ade. He is 8-9 with a 4.68 ERA.

It’s no longer just the Rangers that the Angels have to worry about. Their lack of success has them 1.5 games behind Oakland and 2 out of the Wild Card. Trout has guaranteed the Angels will make the postseason, but the Angels are beginning to fizzle out, much like Nicholas Cage…

Runner(s) Up: Chicago Cubs (1-6), Minnesota Twins (2-4)

Stud Player of the Week – OF Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers

After hibernating for almost a month and a half, the Sultan of Sober finally woke back up with a monster week, hitting .455 with 3 HR, 7 runs, 9 RBI, a .538 OBP, and 1.493 OPS.

After hitting .223 in June and an anorexic .177 in July, Hamilton is coming back alive at the right time as the Rangers try to distance themselves from the Athletics and Angels in the AL West. His 32 home runs and 99 RBI are tops in the AL, and the Rangers’ right fielder currently is sporting a drug-free eight-game hitting streak…

Runner(s) Up: Buster Posey, Chase Headley, Billy Butler, Justin Morneau, Ryan Howard

DUD Player of the Week – 1B Chris Davis, Baltimore Orioles

Everybody in the Orioles’ organization knew that when they picked up Chris Davis from Texas there would be good weeks, and there would be bad weeks. Well, it doesn’t get any worse than this:

2 for 25 (both singles), 11 strikeouts, .080 average, 0 R, 0 HR, 0 RBI

Basically, the Orioles would have been better off sending Cal Ripken, Sr. up to the plate, and he’s been dead for quite some time now. At least he would have been able to lay off that outside curveball…

Runner(s) Up: Drew Stubbs, Adam Dunn, Brett Jackson, Hunter Pence, Anthony Gose

Dumbest Logan Morrison Tweet of the Week

Did you guys know there’s a Flight Attendant call button in the lavatory of a plane? Most fun Ive ever had flying! #HelpImAllOutOfTP

The DUD’s Response

@LoMoMarlins Were you having trouble finding your career in there?

South Side Parenting Clinic

Growing up on Chicago’s South Side is tough. I mean, there’s the drugs, the crime, the syphilis. As if that wasn’t tough enough, this kid has to try surviving with parents who hang him out to dry at the first sign of danger:

Mommy, my stomach hurts.

I haven’t seen parenting that bad since I watched Joe Dirt (on Comedy Central, of course. I would never spend a dime on that crap. Dang!). Hopefully this kid makes it to the age of 18, when he can make the choice to move somewhere nicer like Detroit…

How The DUD’s Over/Under Bets Look:

Milwaukee Brewers OVER 81.5 wins – DAMN!

LA Angels of Anaheim OVER 89.5 wins – DAMN!

Kansas City Royals UNDER 78.5 wins – You fucking know it!

Houston Astros UNDER 62.5 wins – You fucking know it!

On pace for: 2-2

Uncle Bob says: The Brewers bullpen is almost as bad as the new Total Recall movie. If they only blow half of the games they’ve blown this year, your bet is a winner. The Angels are really struggling on the pitching side of things, but that offense is good enough to get them into the postseason. Get yourself some Tums and a bottle of Jim Beam because that one is going down to the wire. The Astros and Royals bets might come in before September.

What do you think? Leave a comment or subscribe to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Description