The Best of Baseball’s First Half – Part Two

by Tommy Gimler

Big night for Prince Fielder as he wins his second home run derby in four years. Didn’t he have three kids in 2009? What gives? Did he eat one?

Anyway, continuing yesterday’s post, here are some other memorable haps from MLB’s first half:

Best Fantasy Baseball Player

Well dorks, you could make the argument for Josh Hamilton here, but I’ll take the guy who can celebrate his first half with something a little more powerful than ginger ale.

Andrew McCutchen is as potent in every offensive category as Antonio Cromartie’s seed. He settles into the All-Star break with a .362 average, 18 HR, 58 runs, 60 RBI and 14 SB. McCutchen is the Pittsburgh Pirates offense. Literally. Take out McCutchen’s numbers and the Pirates are probably right where they always are: 10 games under .500. Instead, the Pirates are 11 games over .5oo and leading the NL Central.

With McCutchen, the Pirates’ offense is just like Paul McCartney’s music since 1990: awful. When you take out McCutchen’s numbers and replace them with the major league average, the Pirates are even worse, like Smashmouth.

Pirates offense with McCutchen: .246 average (22nd), 345 runs (21st), 89 HR (13th), 330 RBI (21st), 48 (24th)

Pirates offense without McCutchen: .234 average (27th), 307 runs (29th), 76 HR (21st), 289 RBI (29th), 39 SB (27th)

Best Severe Weather

Check out this video from yesterday’s Rangers/Twins game in Arlington, Texas:

Watch the Twins’ first base coach Jerry White at the 1:09 mark. While most players knew exactly what was going on and made their way to the dugout, White, who was born in the small Massachusetts town of Shirley, acts more like he’s on the mean streets of Flint, Michigan and uses the umpire as a shield for whatever is making the loud gunshot-esque noise. I’ve seen this somewhere else before:

Best Game

Only in baseball can you witness something like what occurred when the Red Sox hosted the Orioles on May 6th.

It was the equivalent to Terrell Owens dropping four touchdowns but redeeming himself by kicking the game-winning 50-yard field goal. But you’ll never see that.

It was the equivalent to Dwight Howard missing six dunks but redeeming himself by hitting the game-winning 40-foot three-pointer. But you’ll never see that.

It was the equivalent to the band Train putting out their six existing studio albums and then releasing a seventh that isn’t dog shit. But you’ll definitely never see that.

In a game that lasted 17 innings and over 5 1/2 hours, Adrian Gonzalez, Cody Ross, and Marlon Byrd were a combined 2 for 22. Baltimore Orioles DH Chris Davis was the hero, but not at the plate. In fact, at the plate he was about as useful as viagra at 4-H camp, going 0-8 with five strikeouts plus grounding into a double play.

But duty called, and Davis was asked to pitch in the bottom of the 16th inning. He responded with two shutout innings and earned the victory as the Orioles beat up the Red Sox position-player-turned-pitcher Darnell McDonald, winning 9-6 in front of hundreds of remaining fans who were pretty pissed about the 7th-inning cutoff rule…

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One Response to The Best of Baseball’s First Half – Part Two

  1. Dutch says:

    Viagra at 4-H camp? Who needs viagra? Those chicks are hot and d.t.f.

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