by Tommy Gimler

Nobody watches the Olympics because they love the discus.

Some people watch it because it helps them feel more American. Some do it just because everybody else is watching it. Others watch it just so they don’t have to listen to their bitch wife talk about the coupons she just clipped from the Sunday paper.

But not me. Usually. I, like most comedians, hate the Olympics. Not only do they keep paying customers out of comedy clubs and bars for over two weeks, but they also feature a ton of dog shit activities that I don’t have the time or effort to waste on. I mean, is there a professional triple jump league? No, and do you know why? Because the triple jump fucking blows.

But my good buddy AppleSkosh brought to my attention the fact that there is a female javelin thrower from Paraguay that might be worth giving up two minutes of stage time at The Comedy Store for because she is extremely fucking hot. Her name is Leryn Franco. Weird first name? Yes, but I’ll tell you what’s not weird: her tits.

Can I understand a word that comes out of her mouth? Nope. Will she win a medal? Don’t care. All I know is that as long as she’s on my television screen throwing rods and hugging other broads at the end of the competition, well, internet porn night can wait til tomorrow…