by Tommy Gimler
Why was the runner at fifth base in the bottom of the eighth inning last night? You guessed it. A botched robbery.
Texas Rangers fans watching Monday night’s game against the San Diego Padres on television got a special treat when Rangers announcer Dave Barnett went gibberish for about fifteen seconds before getting his microphone cut off:
Barnett said the brief vacation from sanity was a result of a severe migraine headache, but something tells me his henchman might have been responsible for this botched robbery. If you’re looking for a conspiracy theory, start with this one: Dave Barnett is not a human being but rather an AM/FM robot, and his intern accidentally bumped his tuning dial while bringing him a Diet Sierra Mist, changing him from the Rangers play-by-play channel to the Flint, Michigan crime report channel.
At least in Barnett’s case, you could make out the words spewing from his mouth even though they made absolutely no sense. The same can’t be said for Serene Branson, the CBS LA reporter who reported from the 2011 Grammy Awards with a few grunts, burtations, and daresons:
And who could forget this genius, who is probably on the set of some hardcore gonzo porn shoot as we speak or working for TSA:
Mario Lopez might have been the only US American in everywhere like such as who was thankful for that disaster.
And finally, if you thought there was no way a video existed of somebody who made even less sense than that, well, you thought wrong, dude:
In other news, Lebron James is less than twenty seconds away from giving Miami a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals unless Pete Incaviglia can hit a home run to give the Dolphins a three-touchdown lead…