by Corby LeGault
So, the Lord’s cup is up for grabs, and the Kings of Hell.A. are grabbing at it first, while the Devils finish up their G.T.L. issues and get their penicillin shot after a sloppy night with the Snooki.
This is not gonna be the physical MMA Battle Royal the other series were, or recent Cup Finals showed. The Devils like to play their boring style of play of score one, and play defense til the final buzzer rings. That matched up with the the Kings and their ranking 31st out of 31 teams in scoring, make this to be a slow chess game, or rather a blinking competition, with body checking, cross-checking, and slashing.
P.S. The league is contemplating somehow eliminating blocked shots (which is fucking ridiculous and stupid). If the players want to throw their bones, eyes, and teeth in front of a 105mph slapshot, I say “Give’r!” I wish the American-born commish would fuck right off, and leave the game as it is, and stop changing it to be more like basketball every damn off-season. Sorry, non fans. It’s a game of great skill and brutality that does not allow a goal every 2 mins. Teams actually have to fight for each goal, literally and figuratively.
Even the rich people are leaving Detroit. Nickky Lidstrom decides he’s had enough and decides (like most) he wants out of Michigan, and after scrapping bullies and dodging bullets for 20 years (and that’s just on the way to the arena, “Hey Now!”). One of the greatest and classiest. Please take notice kids, that’s how our pro athlete’s are supposed to act: Do your job, don’t get arrested, don’t pack guns to strip clubs, or leave a trail of unwanted kids around the country, then claim bankruptcy after 2 yrs cuz you spend it all on bling, and flashy cars. Class act, Nic Lid.
Finally, Bruins goalie phenom and resident Tea Party dickwad, Tim Thomas, wants to take a year off. We all know goalies are a little off in the head. From Patrick Roy beating his wife the night he beat Sawchuck’s all-time win record, cuz that’s what Sawchuck used to do, to Grant Furh to admitting to doing blow. Thomas didn’t even make it in the NHL til he was 32. THIRTY-FUCKING-TWO! That’s when coaches start looking at taking them to the glue factory. Thomas has a few good years, and then gets sent to a back up spot, only to emerge back to starter and carry his team to the cup. One year later he gets tired and can’t get em outta the 1st round, and says at age 39, “I need a year off.” Guess what stupid? Not a lot of people looking to give you a spot back when you’re 40. This guy is certain to end up living in a shed in the backwoods in a few years, coaching a team of forest animals and slowly going insane.
Til next time, keep your stick on the ice.