by Tommy Gimler

To paraphrase the great Harry Doyle, “In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven’t, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are leading the AL Central.”

At 23-18, the Tribe might be in first place, but they rank dead last in attendance. That doesn’t sit well with closer Chris Perez, who told reporters after the Indians’ 2-0 victory on Saturday, “It’s just a slap in the face when you’re in first place and last in attendance. Last. Not 25th or 26th. Last.”

And he didn’t stop there, taking a shot at Oakland: “We’re last. Oakland is out-drawing us. That’s embarrassing.”

And Detroit: ”You think the Tigers are happy? The Tigers are in third place. We’re in first place. Enjoy it.”

And he basically did the equivalent to punching a kid in a wheelchair, taking shots at Kansas City and Pittsburgh: “We could be in last place. We could be the Royals, we could be the Pirates, who haven’t won anything in 20 years.”

Perez also blamed the low attendance (we blame the Cuyahoga County syphilis outbreak) for the lack of free-agent interest, saying, “Nobody wants to play in front of 5,000 fans. We know the weather stinks, but people see that. Other players know that. You had a choice of playing in St. Louis where you get 40,000 like Beltran chose to do, or you can come to Cleveland.”

The DUD’s take:

Chris Perez can fuck my sister. He is our new favorite player. If you are a Tribe fan, you really have no argument here. You could blame the economy and say that games are too expensive, but bleacher seats for Tuesday’s game against Detroit are on StubHub.com for just eight bucks. Perez is putting his money where his mouth is, giving away three pairs of tickets to every Indians home game for the rest of the 2012 season, and I’m sure they’re a tad better than the eight-dollar variety.

For the record, the Indians entered Sunday ranked last among the 30 big-league teams in attendance, with an average of 15,518 fans for 22 dates, over 4,000 fans behind Oakland at number 29. Now that isn’t a just a slap in the face, that’s more like a golden shower (or an unwanted Cleveland Steamer)…