Good Christ!

Josh Hamilton

by Tommy Gimler

In case you have been too wrapped up in the NBA and NHL Playoffs or the “John Travolta really is a gay who likes to fondle male masseurs” story to notice, Josh Hamilton is hotter than two girls scissoring each other in hell.

Or as my buddy Jake likes to put it, “hotter than two rats fucking in a sock in August.” I don’t know what that means, but I do know that the Texas Rangers’ outfielder is on a tear of historic proportions. Check out his numbers over the last six games:

12 for 25, 10 runs, 9 home runs, 15 RBI, 4 BB, .480 AVG, 1.600 SLG %, .552 OBP, 2.152 OPS

And for the season:

.402 AVG, 18 HR, 30 R, 41 RBI, .457 OBP, .877 SLG %, 1,334 OPS

On pace for:

85 HR, 143 R, and 195 RBI

Some consider the game of baseball to be a religion, and if that’s the case, then Josh Hamilton is Jesus Christ. It’s only fitting since he gives praise to his lord and savior every time he hits a ball 420 feet or walks past a BW3′s without going in. His 9 long balls over the past six games ranks second only to Frank Howard, who hit 10 for the Washington Senators in 1968. Hamilton has been so good that nobody outside of St. Louis is talking about how amazing Carlos Beltran has been over his last four games, hitting .444 with 5 home runs, 6 runs, and 12 RBI.

So, if all of those numbers add up to Josh Hamilton being the Jesus Christ of Major League Baseball, then who is the Antichrist? I’d lean toward Milwaukee Brewers’ second baseman Rickie Weeks (.158 AVG, 19 hits, 41 K’s). He’s done a great job making my game days a living hell…


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