An unfortunate incident at a Detroit Tigers team building event has put a serious dent into the team’s World Series hopes.
In an activity entitled “Act Out Your Last Name,” Prince Fielder accidentally chewed off starting pitcher Doug Fister’s right hand. Manager Jim Leyland said Fister is out until at least June, and he might not be able to throw his slider ever again.
Leyland credited Brandon Inge with saving Fister’s season after he performed the Heimlich Maneuver on Fielder before any serious digestion of the hand had taken place.
“Brandon’s had a tough spring, but he probably made the team after his performance today,” Leyland told reporters outside Henry Ford Hospital this afternoon.
Fielder was apologetic after the incident, saying, “This wouldn’t have happened if my wife would have been here.”
In other team news, the Tigers reported today that skipper Jim Leyland actually died five years ago from a bout with emphysema. They’ve been able to keep him going with D batteries and Monster energy drink. They almost lost him for good in 2009 because an intern didn’t know Radio Shack was closed on Christmas.
The Tigers also optioned pitcher Tyler Stohr to Triple-A Toledo to work on his delivery.
This post was an April Fool’s Day joke. Prince Fielder has never eaten anybody’s hand.