The NFL Shah: Part One

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by Kinner Shah

It’s that time of year again, arguably more exciting than the draft—it’s signing time. It’s a time-honored tradition. Who goes where, and for how much. Some teams make out well, while other teams? Dick sandwich. But who really knows how anything will turn out? Here’s just a tickle of what’s gone on so far.

Denver Broncos: They got Peyton Manning: the 36 year old with 4 neck surgeries in about just as many months.  But why not sign him?  From the standpoint of merchandising sales alone, the Broncos win.

And now, with Manning, the Broncos can add a speedy wideout.  The Steelers’ Mike Wallace is being whispered.  The real winners are the Jacksonville Jaguars.  No matter how bad they are (and they will be horrendous), they don’t have to play Manning twice a year anymore.

What does this mean for Tim Tebow? Best case scenario, he gets hired as a tight ends coach at a small Christian school in Florida.   Do those exist? Probably. I have a strict policy of never feeling bad for professional athletes, so, no, I don’t “feel bad” for Tebow.

There’s actually a realistic possibility Tebow could sign with New England, and reunite with Josh McDaniels. I know Tommy Gimler doesn’t think he’ll go there, but I’ll take Kiper’s insight over a guy who sings songs about huffing jenkem any day.

Jacksonville Jaguars:  Blaine Gabbert starting, Chad Henne backing him up, and making Laurent Robinson the richest man (I’m assuming) in Jacksonville, FL?  Most teams don’t actively pursue the ‘underdog’ distinction, but Jacksonville isn’t most teams.

Dallas Cowboys Kyle Orton to back up Romo.  That’s a mighty choice.  Too bad Orton didn’t stick around to test the market, after seeing how pouty Alex Smith has been.  Shit, if Orton had just waited a few more weeks, he could have potentially been signed as the starter in Seattle or Miami by now.

Seattle Seahawks:  The NFL is a tough league.  Or, for Matt Flynn, all you need is two starts under your belt and you become a multi-millionaire.

San Diego Chargers Let me see if I understand this—they had a bad season last year, and now getting rid of Vincent Jackson is supposed to…fix that?

Miami Dolphins: They flirted with Matt Flynn, and Alex Smith, only to sign David Garrard to a one-year deal. I’m starting to think they don’t actually have a front office, but let the players vote via email and then come up with a roster.

San Francisco 49ers:  I should be laughing at the thought that the 49ers are now in a position to suck up to Alex Smith, beg for his forgiveness, and hope he signs with the team again.  But I can’t, since it’s their only choice.  I think we’re forgetting that Carson Palmer still has something left to prove, and it’s not happening in Oakland.  Seeing as how the Raiders will cut a player mid-game, let alone mid-season, I would like to see him go to the other side of the Bay come Week 3…

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