Father of the Year

cordes

by Tommy Gimler

I was never afraid to say that I love my father. Big Tom Sr. was always home from work at 3:30pm so he could pitch to my brother and I in our backyard. I used to think he did everything he could to help me succeed and win ballgames.

Now I’m questioning whether or not he ever loved me. Meet Joseph Cordes of Winthrop, MA. He wanted to see his daughter win her high school hockey game so much that he pointed a laser into the eyes of the opposing goalie. He was eventually escorted out of the arena, but he got his wish as his daughter’s team won the game, 3-1.

Thanks dad. Remember when that kid from Waukesha North took me yard in the summer of ’95? Don’t think it would’ve happened if you would have sat in centerfield with mom’s makeup mirror. Or my sophomore year when the kid from Racine Case lit me up for six points in the “B” game? Probably wouldn’t have happened if you would have knifed him as he got off the bus. It was Racine, dad! They would’ve have never pinned that one on you.

In fifth grade, I didn’t get the Presidential Fitness Award because I could only do 2 pullups. Why didn’t you show up at school and pistol whip Mr. Veldre until he changed it to 22? Or remember how I didn’t get a lot of playing time my senior year of volleyball? Marbles break ankles and get your son on the court, dad.

Dad, all you ever did was tell me to try my best and you were proud of me no matter what happened. You just showed up to every game and cheered and took me to Baskin Robbins afterward. Thanks a lot, asshole.

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2 Responses to Father of the Year

  1. Real Cheesehead says:

    REALLY DUDE!!! Thanks what you think of your Dad??? Isn’t he the reason you haven’t ended up in jail yet? Maybe I should share a few secrets your Grandmother shared with me that Tom Sr never heard about.

  2. tgim says:

    Just in case it wasn’t clear, that article was sarcastic.

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