by Rakesh The Intern
I’m telling you, bro. I still don’t get this American holiday of giving thanks by stuffing your stomach full of food that would be enough to feed family of four in Howrah for two weeks, my friend. But I do enjoy being able to watch three games of professional American football on television and making bookie my bitch on what should be enjoyable weekend for him.
by Frank Rhombus
Odds are you didn’t catch last night’s Louisville-Savannah State college basketball game because it’s November, and that means college basketball matters about as much as a Jonas Brother. But after the Cardinals curb stomped the Tigers by 61 points, Louisville head coach Rick Pitino gave us one of the funniest quotes of the year, which of course means that white people everywhere are pissed about it.
by Tommy Gimler
The Dallas Cowboys beat the New York Giants in the shithole most people call New Jersey Sunday night, but who gives a shit? The real story was New York’s Odell Beckham Jr. using just three fingers on his big right paw to make what was easily the catch of the year.
by Adam Pockross
60 seconds, motherfuckers. Just hang on for 60 fucking ticks. Christ, this is dick-sandwich time.
by Tommy Gimler
Clayton Kershaw and Mike Trout were recently named Major League Baseball’s MVPs. Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL. Patrick Kane is the craziest player in the NHL, like crazy awesome. And Antonio Brown is having a hell of a year. So, we ask you, which one of these studs would you let run a train on your sister if you were given such a privilege?
by Eddie Bagelstein
Marshawn Lynch. That’s the first time I’ve ever written his name, and I got it right. It’s surprisingly phonetic.