A Tampa Bay-Anaheim Stanley Cup Finals Matchup Would Suck Balls

by Tommy Gimler Thank the fuck Christ that the Rangers decided to show up last night to force a Game 7 in the Eastern Conference finals, or we’d be halfway to a Stanley Cup final that would be about as sexy as Melissa McCarthy looking under her bed for the More »

Ray McDonald Can Eat A Bag Of Dicks And So Can The Bears

by Frank Rhombus Well, if his latest arrest for domestic violence leads to jail time, he might not have a choice in the matter. More »

Josh Harrison Has Been On Fire Since We Called Him A Giant Turd

by Tommy Gimler On May 13, we wrote an article suggesting Pittsburgh Pirates third baseman Josh Harrison might be the second coming of former Brewers turd Bill Hall. Since then, he’s been hotter than Alice Eve plugging herself with Nicole Neal‘s fist. More »

Madison Bumgarner Has Made Clayton Kershaw His Bitch

by Andy Ostroff Having adopted the Dodgers as my second favorite team, this is kind of hard to watch. In fact, I feel guilty just talking about it. More »

Some Asshole In China Has Been Sneaking Into Women’s Restrooms And Eating Their Shit For The Last Eight Years

by Frank Rhombus Geez, if you’re looking for an acceptable form of eating pure shit, just head to your local Burger King, bro. More »

 

A Tampa Bay-Anaheim Stanley Cup Finals Matchup Would Suck Balls

tampa bay lightning new york rangers game 7

by Tommy Gimler

Thank the fuck Christ that the Rangers decided to show up last night to force a Game 7 in the Eastern Conference finals, or we’d be halfway to a Stanley Cup final that would be about as sexy as Melissa McCarthy looking under her bed for the chunk of Cinnabon she dropped there last Tuesday.

Ray McDonald Can Eat A Bag Of Dicks And So Can The Bears

ray mcdonald mugshot

by Frank Rhombus

Well, if his latest arrest for domestic violence leads to jail time, he might not have a choice in the matter.

Josh Harrison Has Been On Fire Since We Called Him A Giant Turd

josh harrison

by Tommy Gimler

On May 13, we wrote an article suggesting Pittsburgh Pirates third baseman Josh Harrison might be the second coming of former Brewers turd Bill Hall. Since then, he’s been hotter than Alice Eve plugging herself with Nicole Neal‘s fist.

Madison Bumgarner Has Made Clayton Kershaw His Bitch

Madison Bumgarner

by Andy Ostroff

Having adopted the Dodgers as my second favorite team, this is kind of hard to watch. In fact, I feel guilty just talking about it.

Some Asshole In China Has Been Sneaking Into Women’s Restrooms And Eating Their Shit For The Last Eight Years

chinese man eating poop

by Frank Rhombus

Geez, if you’re looking for an acceptable form of eating pure shit, just head to your local Burger King, bro.

Aaron Hernandez Is No Longer An Athlete, ESPN

aaron hernandez prison fight

by Andy Ostroff

Sorry, but a month after a former professional athlete gets convicted of first-degree murder (amongst other things), they should not be appearing in sports-related news stories.

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