by Adam Pockross
60 seconds, motherfuckers. Just hang on for 60 fucking ticks. Christ, this is dick-sandwich time.
by Tommy Gimler
Clayton Kershaw and Mike Trout were recently named Major League Baseball’s MVPs. Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL. Patrick Kane is the craziest player in the NHL, like crazy awesome. And Antonio Brown is having a hell of a year. So, we ask you, which one of these studs would you let run a train on your sister if you were given such a privilege?
by Eddie Bagelstein
Marshawn Lynch. That’s the first time I’ve ever written his name, and I got it right. It’s surprisingly phonetic.
by Frank Rhombus
Fuck postponing this game or moving it to some other shithole in the Northeast. The Bills and Jets should just refrain from playing Sunday’s game, so we can all spend the rest of our NFL weekend living like Charlie Sheen: WINNING!
by Rakesh the Intern
Listen, bro. This goddamn Chiefs team is really cutting into the Rupee I have stashed to side for Christmas presents this year, my friend. They have now cover spread for like nine straight games, boss. But even though shit from pig Raiders team is their next opponent, now is not the time to jump boat, bro. Rakesh say load and lock up on the Raiders with the points, my friend.